CyberDani
by Thomas Tom Tom
Summary: A strange mishap befalls Dani, and she must now live through the ups, the downs, and the downright stupids of being a sixty-foot robot with fantastic high heels. RB. Human-to-Cybertronian switcheroo. Not as serious as it should be.
1. Dani Learns An Important Lesson

**A/N: Yay! I think this is the first RB human/Cybertronian switcheroo fic EVER!**

**Woop!**

**So yeah. If you want to see more, follow, review, etc. Quickly uploading this between study sessions, so this won't be updated all that fast. Apologies in advance.**

* * *

**Dani Learns An Important Lesson About Touching Blue Glowy Things**

"Well, this was a disaster."

So spoke Kade, quite rightly, as he, Graham, Dani, and their substantially more robotic and vertically endowed respective partners were currently stuck in a large and empty cave on the coldest day of the year.

The rescue had started out promisingly. There was a mountaineer, predictably, who had also, predictably, trapped his leg under, predictably, a rock. The six had, predictably, freed him, and then, unpredictably, the cave collapsed, trapping Chase, Chief Burns, and the mountaineer outside, and the rest inside.

Therefore, quite predictably, the resident humans were quite cold and annoyed. The Autobots among them were not, although Heatwave for one definitely wouldn't have said no to a group of Firestar clones bearing warm Energon and maybe a polishing cloth while they were at it.

As it turns out, a cave has an insulating factor of about minus fifteen, and so the cold air somehow seeped through the non-existent pores in the rock blocking the cave opening.

"C-c-c-can't you d-d-d-dig us out or s-s-s-something?" Kade asked Heatwave tersely.

"Do I _look_ like Boulder?" the fire engine replied.

"Fair p-p-p-point. B-b-boulder, can _you _d-d-dig us out or s-s-s-something?" Kade redirected the question.

"Nope. I think I cracked a piston earlier. Should have let the Energon start flowing before I lifted that rock. Can't even use the seismic imaging in case the cave roof destabilises and crushes us horrifically." Boulder replied in a remarkably cheery tone. "What an experience, eh?"

"Not really, Boulder!" Blades fretted, curling himself up a little. "The walls are closing in, I swear!"

"That's just flyer programming acting up. They don't like enclosed spaces. Feel trapped." Heatwave explained, seeing Dani's sudden worried look. "He'll be fine."

"I d-d-didn't r-r-realise y-y-you got d-d-different p-p-p-programming d-d-depending on b-b-b-body type. F-f-f-f-fascinat-t-t-ting." Graham noted.

Dani looked unsure. "R-r-r-relax, B-b-b-blades. You're okay." she reassured the helicopter, rubbing his leg panelling gently, her teeth chattering. Blades smiled weakly and picked Dani off the ground, placing her on his shoulder.

"Long as you're all here, I'm fine." Blades promised.

Dani smiled back with blue lips, as a cold draught ghosted around the cave. The three humans shivered in unison.

"Boulder, what's the ambient temperature in here?" Heatwave asked, catching onto the slight movement.

"Around minus six degrees." Boulder replied, checking his instruments. "Has been for the past ten minutes or so."

"Scrap. Okay, Kade. Get in. You'll stay warmer in my cabin." Heatwave said.

"H-h-h-heated s-s-s-seats and everything?" Kade asked, a wry grin on his bluish face.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Just get in before you get hypothermia and die."

Heatwave lifted Kade up to his chest windscreen, opening it to deposit the fireman inside, then closed it again and reapplied the airtight seal. Boulder mimicked him with Graham.

Blades put out a servo for Dani, who stepped onto his palm then collapsed into it. "I'm ok-k-k-k-kay..." she mumbled. "J-j-j-j-just a l-l-l-l-little light-headed."

"Oh, no; that's acute hypothermia right there." Graham exclaimed from Boulder's chest. "We need a heat source, right now. Your heaters won't do it, Blades."

"Oh, that's fine." Blades answered.

He opened his chestplate up, the plexiglass canopy and seat folding up and away to reveal an oval depression in Blades' chest which held a glowing, pulsing, blue ball of energy. Blades gently lay a quietly mumbling Dani down in the bottom of the spark chamber and closed the clear plexiglass of his canopy over it.

* * *

Dani came around to a calm blue light and a soothing warmth over her whole body.

The sounds of guttural, angry Cybertronian (probably Heatwave; he had an abrasive bass when speaking his first language) filled her ears. Someone directly above her snapped back in smooth yet aggressive Cybertronian (Blades; he was only assertive when he spoke Cybertronian, and had a light tenor which made the alien language sound quite pleasant in an angry way). A third Cybertronian voice (mellow and airy without being flippant, a deep baritone; Boulder, for sure) spoke up and silenced the other voices.

They seemed to have come to a compromise, so Dani opened her eyes.

She was in what might have been Blades' cockpit, but above her, attached to the almost chamber around her by small arms, was a huge ball of blue fire.

Describing it honestly, it was beautiful. She reached out a hand, and as she touched it was suddenly aware of three separate consciousnesses screaming at her to not do so.

Unfortunately for her, she was far too late in realising this, and the spark shone and exploded into blue light at her touch. Dani was blasted out of Blades's chestplate and into the wall, where she was aware of Blades' horrified expression and a vague _Tchu-Tchu-Tchu-Tchink _noise before she blacked out.

* * *

_Stasis lock: disabled. Core functions now online._

_Commence primary_systems boot-up? Yes/No_

YES

_Primary_systems booting up..._

_Preparing first-time processor load sequence...load sequence complete._

_Engaging Energon pump; designation pump_primary...engaged._

_Energon flow accepted, cycling engines...Engines active._

_Servos powering up...servos online._

_Commence secondary systems boot-up? Yes/No_

YES

_Secondary_systems booting up..._

_Scanning memory banks for alternate mode...no alternate mode found. Continue regardless? Yes/No_

YES

_Opening air intakes...air intakes open._

_Calibrating internal chronometer...calibrated. Terrestrial time set: 04:20:04. Stardate set 03.421.6/4_

_Onlining auditory and_ _optical sensors...online._

Dani opened her eyes.

The first thing she noticed was that the bunker underneath the firehouse had gotten a whole lot smaller.

* * *

**Don't ask how they got out of the cave. It happened, okay?**


	2. Is There An Instruction Manual?

**A/N: I got three favourites and that's grounds for a second chapter. Go me!**

**For reference, Dani, Blades, Kade, Heatwave, Graham and Boulder were _in _the cave. No one else was. NO ONE**

**This is set before Bot to the Future, btws. So no-one knows about the Autobots being sentient. **

**I THINK I EXPLAINED TRANSFORMING SUPER EPICALLY I THINK MAYBE**

* * *

**Is There An Instruction Manual or Something?**

Upon waking up on a large, flat piece of white-and-orange metal (Blades called it a "berth" or something), naturally, the first thing Dani did was start breathing. Which was possibly the second worst decision she could have made. On her fourth breath, error messages popped up in worried red in her vision; she swore her heart slowed down and backfired a few times, like an unruly engine.

"Dani! Dani, stop breathing! Hold your breath!" Blades shouted, running into view. "You're flooding your systems with air and your turbines can't keep up!"

Fairly panicked by this point, Dani complied. Since when did she have turbines?

"Blades, what is goi-AAH!" she started, then yelled in surprise when she heard the metallic quality in her own voice, forgetting about the hold-your-breath rule and hyperventilating until Blades shoved a servo over her mouth, effectively stopping her breathing.

Come to think of it, Blades seemed a lot smaller than usual too.

"Okay, Dani. _Relax._" the helicopter in question said gently. "I'm going to show you something, and you're, uh, well, you're going to freak, but don't breathe, and please don't, uh, scream for so long you burn out your, er, voicebox."

Dani nodded.

Blades whistled and Heatwave and Chase wheeled an Autobot-sized mirror over in front of her.

Instead of her usual, human body, Dani could only see a grey and orange Autobot with a slender, curvaceous figure; a helm design reminiscent of a pilot's helmet; glowing orange eyes; full, metal lips; and somehow _lipstick_ applied in orange paint. The bottom of this Autobot's feet were ready-made wedge high heels; and there were what looked like wings mounted on her back, pointing out and upwards.

She looked almost like a Cybertronian version of – _oh._

Dani screamed out loud, as did the Autobot in the mirror. Dani clapped a hand over her mouth, and the Autobot in the mirror clapped the same servo over her mouth.

Dani raised the hand nervously. The Autobot copied her exactly.

Okay. She was the Autobot. _That _was _her._

"That's...me?" she choked out. Somehow she felt better saying it out loud.

"That's you." Blades confirmed. "It's not known what happens when an organic being comes into contact with a pure spark...and, well, I think we just found out."

"So...what _did _happen?" Dani asked.

"You touched my spark, you somehow gained your own; sparks can't survive without a cybernetic shell, so your new spark, well, it transformatted you into an Autobot." Blades rattled off, as if saying it quickly would make it less traumatic.

"Is it permanent?"

"Ah...we don't know. Highly likely it is, though."

"Is my other body still around?"

"No. It was recycled by your spark to help make your present body."

"Do you have any _good _news?"

"You should be able to try walking now."

"Oh joy. I've been permanently turned into a sixty-foot robot, my body's gone, and the best thing right now is _I can probably walk._ Great." Dani moaned, and pulled herself up. She almost instantly lost her balance and fell over forwards to be caught by Blades.

"Careful now. Your systems still haven't calibrated to Earth gravity."

_Local gravity field strength updated – one gee. Calibrating all systems now...calibrated... _flashed up in Dani's vision. She took two or three determined steps towards the raised gantry where humans could stand without fear of being flattened, leaning on Blades all the way.

"Great job." Boulder congratulated. "Now let's run through your other systems; let you get a feel for being an Autobot. First lesson is controlling your strength..."

* * *

Kade, Cody, and Graham exited the lift to find themselves face-to-giant orange optic with Dani.

"Whoa." Kade exclaimed. "You're...well, now you're the tallest, at least."

"Oh, ha, ha." Dani laughed sarcastically, crossing her arms. "I'll have you know I've just mastered being a Cybertronian in under half an hour."

"Technically, you have learned how to walk, run, refuel, recharge, and jump without damaging yourself too much; and we were just about to start on basic transformation, Dani." Chase said.

"You have to learn to transform?" Graham asked. "Wow!"

"Well duh, it's not an inbuilt process. You have to physically imagine each and every one of your component parts switching position to form your vehicle mode." Heatwave answered impassively. His expression suddenly changed to a grin. "Kidding. It's a command code. You just shout or think the word "transform" with the intent to transform, and boom, your CPU takes care of it."

"And now Boulder's going to teach you about your specialised processor." Blades added, tapping his index digits together.

"What?" Dani asked.

"Cybertronians have different processors depending on intended purpose. Originally you'd get upgraded when you chose a role, but you've got one installed straight off." Boulder launched into his explanation with vigour. "For example, Blades has a flight computer while Chase has a battle computer."

"Battle computer?" Cody asked.

"It's why he's so logical. Runs through every possible outcome of a situation. It also makes him glitch out when something doesn't make sense." Heatwave smirked.

"That was one time, and you vowed never to repeat that sequence of events." Chase admonished.

"_Anyway, _Dani's fitted with a flight computer like Blades, probably due to her absorbing some of his coding in the blast." Boulder continued. "Which means she's a flyer, which means she needs a vehicle mode now, before she goes flyer-crazy."

"Okay, what's flyer-crazy?" Dani asked worriedly. "Is it serious?"

"The proper term is _flight-deprivation syndrome." _Blades answered pointedly. "You need to fly every now and then or your system goes haywire. It's only serious if you ignore it. You know, just minor systems failures. Uh, well...sometimes you can go into full processor crash if it's _really _bad."

"What?! Full processor crash! That's like a seizure or something, right?" Dani yelped.

"I would say more like a stroke, to be honest." Boulder replied thoughtfully.

"Not helping!"

"Doesn't matter." Chief Burns interrupted, appearing from the lift. "We've got to get Dani a vehicle mode _now, _both so she can hide and so she won't go nuts. Clear?"

"Ah, well, um...I had a look on the human internet and got some pictures of some aircraft for you already, Dani." Blades said timidly.

"Way to go, Blades. Can I see?" Dani asked, excitement overriding her apprehensiveness.

"You _have_ to see. That's how you scan a form." Heatwave drawled.

Blades pulled up about six 3D holographic models of helicopters.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Dani, you are _not _transforming into an Apache gunship." Chief Burns said sternly.

Blades guiltily removed the offending model while simultaneously deleting all Google search history for "F-69 VTOL JET FIGHTER", "U.S.N.C. PELICAN", and "S.H.I.E.L.D. HELICARRIER".

Dani looked over the remaining models before pouncing on a small representation of an HH-65 Dolphin.

"This one. Definitely this one." she announced proudly. "So, uh, how do I "scan" it again?"

"Just look at it, and tell yourself to scan. Your T-Cog should kick right in." Boulder advised.

Dani shrugged. "Okay." She looked as hard as possible at the little blue image, and then to her infinite surprise, an orange beam shot out and swept over it. There was a small beep and she felt her new body shifting to accept the form. Her "wings" lengthened and became rotor blades.

Blades clapped. "Well done. Really, great. You look wonderful."

The helicopter's cockpit was on her back, the rotors astride it, unlike Blades. Dani asked why that was.

"Femme frame. So you can still be all curvy. It's for looks." Heatwave said dismissively. "Plus, no-one gives a flying frag what Blades looks like."

"I do!" Blades protested.

"Eh, I always thought Blades looked kind of dashing." Dani said. "Wait, did I really say that?"

Blades nodded. "You might be feeling a bit weird. Emotional responses are different when you're a Cybertronian."

"How cool is this, Dani? You're a proper transformer, now!" Cody shouted up enthusiastically.

"You guys aren't weirded out by this?" Dani asked.

"You're still our sister, giant and metal or not." Graham said honestly. Kade nodded. "But please don't step on us." he added with a smart grin.

"What about you, Dad?"

"As long as you're still my little girl in _here, _everything's fine." Chief Burns assured.

"Thanks." Dani replied, genuinely touched.

"I apologise for interrupting, but we have a minor problem: The Greenes are currently approaching the building." Chase said politely.

Dani sighed. "Oh scrap."

She looked around at everyone (Blades was facepalming). "What? I had to say it sometime!"


	3. Blades Has Mad Acting Skillz (with a Z)

**A/N: Yup. It continues. I don't know why I imagine Blades to have mad acting skillz.**

**I don't quite know what to think of the name I chose for Dani. (Well, tbh, I didn't choose it, I just showed my little sister a drawing of Dani's cybertronian frame and asked her to think of a name.) You people! TELL MEH IF IT WORKS OR NO!**

**So I just got two reviews from like the third greatest Transformers writer on this site (sorry for publicly embarrassing you, Aspen), so honestly I will be completely happy if no-one reviews this ever again.**

**(I won't be. Review.)**

* * *

**Blades Has Acting Skillz (with a Z)**

The doorbell rang.

"So? Plan?" Kade asked.

"Ugh. We'll go up and play for time, while Blades stays down here and works out how to make his holoform look like Dani so it doesn't look like anything's wrong." Heatwave decided, picking the humans up and gesturing the other 'Bots onto the giant lift.

"Sounds like a plan." Chief Burns agreed. "Let's go."

The three Bots and four humans disappeared upwards while Dani turned to Blades expectantly. "So, what's a holoform, and how does it work?" she asked.

"Well, um, it works best in vehicle mode." Blades started. He transformed. "The holoform generators, well, _we_ use them to create a hard-light hologram of a human driver. Like this."

A brown-haired man with a white and orange flight-suit appeared next to Blades. "See?" he asked.

"Whoa, it is _weird _to hear your voice coming out of a – you know – a _human._" Dani exclaimed. "But aren't you supposed to look like me?"

"I'm trying." Blades said, as his holoform got shorter and suddenly much more feminine. "She" cleared her throat. "How's this?" he said in Dani's voice.

"Creepily accurate. Ooh, but make my hair purple. I've always wanted my hair to be purple."

Blades-Dani's hair shifted from brown to iridescent purple, and lengthened into a bob for good measure.

"I look _great _with a bob haircut! Why didn't I do that before?" Dani lamented. "Oh, and first, I want to transform for real."

"Go ahead." Blades' voice said. At least he wasn't telling her what to do in her own old body, Dani noted.

Dani, feeling a little silly, steeled her mind and said the word "Transform" out loud while thinking hard about transforming, and to her delight felt her body shifting around and folding down into her recently-scanned helicopter mode.

"Okay. Now, just transform again, and walk over to the lift." Blades instructed.

Dani frowned. She decided to try _just _thinking the word "transform" instead of saying it this time. She had to think a little harder about transforming, but she noticed it felt easier than the _first_ time she had transformed.

"It gets easier the more you do it." Blades said, as if reading her mind.

Dani walked over onto the lift, then turned to Blades and his copy of her.

Blades flew up, transformed in mid-air, and landed on the lift in robot mode.

"You did that just to show off, didn't you?" Dani accused.

Blades nodded sheepishly. "Sorry."

"I will forgive you as soon as you take me flying." Dani promised, grinning.

"Fine." Blades said resignedly. He slid his green visor down and stood at attention, his body as straight as a board.

"Shouldn't I do that too? Do I even have a visor?" Dani asked. She screwed up her face and concentrated on a visor, and her vision was suddenly filled with orange, as if she was suddenly wearing an orange sweet wrapper on her face.

"You did it. Pretty colour." Blades commented. Dani smirked, then schooled her face into an expressionless mask and straightened every joint in her body.

Blades walked his Dani-clone onto the lift and then the lift started upwards.

* * *

In the garage area, Doc Greene was discussing something animatedly with Graham and Chief Burns; and Frankie was poking at Heatwave's foot, trying to get a reaction out of him while Kade drank in the palpable frustration coming off the fire engine with a grin the size _of_ his face _on_ his face.

"Oh, there's Dani. Told you she'd just be a minute." Chief Burns said as the lift stopped. "I swear, I'll never get used to her, um, _with_ _purple hair? _Yeah, with purple hair." he finished hurriedly.

"What! You got a _new _robot?!" Frankie exclaimed.

"For Cody, I assume." Doc Greene said, stroking his chin. "Quite, err, _feminine. _Especially the lipstick. Very interesting._" _

"Mmhm." Cody nodded, admirably keeping an almost completely straight face and stifling his fairly obvious dislike of this idea. Dani did not feel particularly fond of the idea of carting Cody about _inside _herself either. That was just _too _weird.

The Blades-Dani patted her on the leg. "Well, I kinda wanted a _girl_ robot, too. Equality in the workplace, you know." she said, shrugging exactly as Dani herself would.

Blades was _terrifyingly _good at pretending to be her, Dani thought.

"You _get_ girl robots?" Frankie asked.

"Special commission." Graham supplied without missing a beat. "Nice new haircut, by the way, Dani."

"Thanks, Graham!" The Blades-Dani replied brightly. _God, _she _needed_ to have a talk with Blades regarding his insane acting skills.

"What does this one transform into?" Doc Greene asked.

"We haven't seen yet, actually." Kade answered. "Cody, wanna do the honours?"

Dani was _so_ holding him upside-down 30 feet in the air when the Greenes had left. He was enjoying this _FAR _too much.

Cody shrugged. "Um, okay. Uhh...umm...Dan...Dangerzone! Transform!"

Dangerzone was a good name, at least. Trust her little brother to think up something better than she ever could. She transformed down into helicopter mode, this time the procedure taking less than a second to initiate. Was she good at this transforming stuff or what?

"I know this is a bit weird, but that name kinda suits her." Frankie observed.

Dangerzone it was then. Cody shouted "Transform" again and Dani effortlessly switched back into robot mode.

"She's actually _my_ new bot. We're reconfiguring Blades to run on remote control from the firehouse here." Blades-Dani put in. "I figured Cody wouldn't want to be running around as "Rescue Girl.""

Cody let out a relieved breath. "You couldn't have told me that sooner?"

Blades-Dani smiled innocently and shrugged. "It was quite fun watching you try and pretend you didn't mind, little brother. Me and Graham set up the remote system in the command centre. But we've still got some work to go; some of Dangerzone's systems are still uncalibrated."

"Great plan, Dani. That lets Cody help out and keeps him safe here at the same time. Get that remote control program installed into Blades ASAP." Chief Burns said. "Actually, Doc, I've been wanting to talk to you about the sonar devices on the lighthouse..." he continued, leading Doc Greene away.

Cody saw what his dad was trying to do and capitalised on it. "Hey, Graham? Is the remote stuff done yet?"

Graham made an ambivalent movement with his hand. "It's almost done. I just need to install the control system into the panel in the command centre. You and Frankie could come and help, if you wanted to."

As Graham, Cody, and Frankie left, Dani thanked her lucky stars that there was a box of Kade's old Xbox microphone headsets in the command centre, that there were already comm links to the bots and camera feeds from their optics rigged up, that Graham was a genius, and that Frankie was super easy to distract with smoke and mirrors despite being the daughter of a (fairly hapless, admittedly) scientist.

* * *

Blades waited for at least three whole seconds before walking his Dani clone up to Kade and kicking him in the shin.

"Ow! Dani, what was that for?" he yelped.

"Just because I wanted to, really." Blades then switched off the holoform.

"What?! Where'd you go, Dani?"

"I didn't go anywhere. That wasn't even me." the actual Dani said, laughing into her hand - _servo, _she corrected herself.

"Huh?" Kade asked.

"Remember the holographic ghosts? Blades did that, just with my human body. And while we're on the subject, Blades, how the _hell _are you so good at being me?"

"I have skills. With a Z. Also, lots of practice." Blades responded ashamedly. "I may have had to pretend to be you on occasion before this."

"What? When?!"

"The last time was...um...last week. I went to a disco."

"You know, don't even tell me why. I want to go flying!"

"Okay. Let's go." Blades said, stepping onto the lift to the helipad.

"What about us?" Heatwave complained. "You can't just leave us here, Blades. What happened to teams before femmes?" he added wryly.

"That is an integral part of the Code." Chase affirmed. "Section B, paragraph 3 I believe."

Dani escaped onto the lift and made for the helipad just as Kade exclaimed "You guys have a _Bro Code_?" in a voice filled with disbelief. She giggled to herself at this before realising the Earth translation of "teams before femmes" and scowling.


	4. Hop, Skip, and a Tchu-chu-chu-chink

**A/N: Pointless Blani (still not officially the ship for this story) snarking back-and-forth. Some computer coding. And Heatwave being Heatwave.**

**Yes, I _am _referencing Ratchet from the 2007 movie. **

**The rating doesn't need to go up, because it was already a T. Woop!**

**Keep on reviewing, guys. This will be the last thing I post ever for at least two days. (Exams.) Your reviews will cheer me up after I fail everything :D**

* * *

**Hop, Skip, and a Tchu-chu-chu-chink**

Blades and Dani stood on the helipad.

"Okay. First step to flying: transform." Blades said.

"Obviously." Dani retorted, transforming. "I wasn't born yesterday."

"Well, technically, you _were. _In theory." Blades pointed out.

"Ha ha. Shut up and help me fly myself." Dani sniped.

Blades shrugged. "First of all, you have to switch on your engines."

"And how do I do that?"

"Just think about doing it hard enough. It might help to imagine yourself in your cockpit, pressing the necessary button." Blades instructed.

Dani pictured her old self in the cockpit, flicking the switch. To her continuing elation, her twin engines kicked into life, and her rotor blades began to spin.

Blades stepped back. "Right, now your flight computer should switch on."

As he spoke, green text typed itself into Dani's vision.

_Flight computer engaged, _it said. _Calibrating cyclical and collective...calibrated. Atmosphere detected: optimise for air resistance? Yes/No_

YES

_Optimising for air resistance...optimised. Scanning local area...4 additional faction_autobot energy signatures located. 1 of 4 contacts is compatible with flight computer: Synchronise? Yes/No_

"Um, Blades? There's this thing that wants me to synchronise with a nearby flight computer. Should I?" Dani asked.

"Oh, that's _my_ flight computer. I just got the handshake protocol there. Yes, go ahead and sync up. You're just going to download my local area maps and environment data, to save you collecting it yourself, which'd take ages." Blades responded.

_Repeat – Synchronise with compatible flight computer? Yes/No_

YES

_Synchronising...flight computer synchronised. Parsing data...data uploaded to memory banks. _

_Running systems check...systems check completed. Designation _ ready for fligERROR. ERROR. No designation detected. Enter designation, Autobot Rescue Team Member Sigma 17-Five._

D...A...N...G...E...R...Z...O...N...E... Dani typed deliberately.

_Entering designation _DANGERZONE..._designation_ DANGERZONE _accepted. _

_Running systems check...systems check completed. Designation _DANGERZONE _ready for flight. _

Dani cycled her optics and a green altimeter and flight HUD appeared in front of her vision.

"Okay, I think I'm good to go." she told Blades, spinning up her rotors.

"I think you are too. I'm registering you on my radar as 'Dangerzone – Sigma 17-Five' rather than 'unidentified_contact_001' now." Blades confirmed. "Just for reference, Heatwave is Sigma 17-One; Chase is Sigma 17-Two; Boulder is Sigma 17-Three; and I'm Sigma 17-Four. Hey, you're recognised as one of our team! That's interesting."

"Nice." Dani said, then stopped herself when she realised she had no idea how to fly herself.

"You fly yourself just like you'd fly me. Think about the thing you want to do, and the controls are just an extension of your body, so you'll do it." Blades advised.

Dani pictured the throttle being pushed up, and then she felt herself bobbing up into the air.

"Wow, I mean, _wow, _it's literally like _being _a helicopter – actually, ignore that comment, Blades."

Blades wisely kept quiet.

Dani dipped her nose and flew a tight ring around the firehouse. Next, she rotated while hovering in one spot. Finally she got stupidly bold and flew directly towards the firehouse and transformed in mid-air.

This last move she utterly messed up and managed to end up falling backwards. "Oh, damn. This is going to hurt, isn't it." she said resignedly, before she unexpectedly stopped much earlier than she had anticipated.

She looked up and saw Blades' grinning face. His rotors were whirring on his back, and – what the – they were _hovering!_

"Yeah, I wouldn't try that just yet." Blades said, snickering a bit. "You'll need a _lot _more practice before you're able to transform on the fly like that." His voice dropped to a confidential stage whisper. "But relax, only me and Chase can do it right every time. Heatwave's still pretty bad at it, and Boulder never tries."

Dani laughed before Blades continued. "But you've got flying almost down. I've never seen anyone adapt to flying that fast."

"Must be the fact I used to fly you. I kind of already knew, you know?"

"Not at all. But come on, let's go back in. The others are probably telling Kade a bunch of scrap about flyers and interfacing kinks." Blades said, landing on the roof and setting Dani down on her stabilisers.

"Interfacing kinks? Is that as sexual as I think it is?" Dani asked, raising an eybr – an _optic ridge, _and stepping onto the helipad lift.

Blades nodded shamefully. "Yeah. I sent them the results from when you synced with my flight computer – that's completely un, um, unrelated to...that, by the way – and they're probably picking you up as Dangerzone now too."

"That doesn't fill me in much on so-called 'interfacing kinks', Blades." Dani reminded him as the lift started downwards.

"Ugh, well, it's a bit of a – what's the term? – an urban legend – among non-flyers that flyers are really weird with...you know..."

"Is it true? _Do _flyers "do it with rotor blades," or whatever?"

"What?! No!" Blades exclaimed.

He reconsidered. "Well, technically you and I would _have _to, seeing as we both have rotors, but – actually, I don't like what I'm implying there, and am going to shut up now, thank you."

Dani giggled. "That would probably be best."

She swallowed her laughter as the lift descended onto the garage floor.

"...and _that's_ why flyers are the weirdest Cybertronians." Heatwave finished to Kade.

They both turned at Blades and Dani's combined shout of "_HEATWAVE!" _

Kade looked at Heatwave then back at Blades and Dani. "I take it that 'Wave's been feeding me a line of utter trash, then." he guessed.

Dani looked thunderous. "A little." she said sarcastically.

"Actually, Heatwave simply related the story about Blades and the power lines." Chase revealed.

Dani looked placated. "Oh."

Blades, on the other hand, looked mortified. "What?! 'Oh' is all that warrants? Do you even _know _the story about me and the power lines?!"

"Is it not the one which goes along the lines of 'Blades walked into some power lines one of the times we went out at night, and overcharged every system in his body?', unless my memory banks are faulty." Chase questioned.

Boulder and Heatwave both laughed. "Sounds even better when you tell it, Chase." Heatwave said.

"What's overcharged?" Dani asked.

"Drunk." Kade informed her. "Apparently they can only get it if they drink too much of the bright blue high-grade Energon or if they somehow get a bazillion volts through their systems in a one-er."

"Blades got _drunk _off a power line?! This is the greatest story ever!" Dani exclaimed. She elbowed Blades gently. "Didn't know you were such a _lad, _Blades!"

Blades facepalmed. "It was not my proudest moment, let's leave it at that."

"Next thing you're teaching me, guys, is how to eat. I need to have some of this high-grade stuff." Dani declared.

"I predict a 0.234% chance that this course of action will end favourably." Chase said.

"Sounds like a plan, then." Heatwave snarked. "Let's do it!"

* * *

**Chase is right. This _won't _end well.**


	5. Everyone Fangirls Over Blades' Guns

**A/N: More snarking. Also some of my personal headcanon. **

**Damn, Chase is boss. I have no idea who Emily Grant is. Sorry.**

* * *

**Everyone Fangirls Over Blades' Guns**

"Right, right, so let me get this right," Dani laughed, sipping cautiously at the glowing pink cube in her servo (apparently this was medium-grade Energon, but you couldn't call it med-grade because that was _medical-_grade Energon, and _that_ tasted horrible), "first you guys decided to go to a _nightclub _without us in your holoform thingies, and while you were on the _way _Blades, what, was _pushed _into the power lines?"

The five Autobots were sitting in the bunker. Heatwave had liberated some cubes of high-grade Energon (Dani only got mid-grade because her systems _really _wouldn't react well to her getting overcharged on high-grade on her first refuelling – not that it was helping with that much, as she was so unused to the Energon (and on her fourteenth cube) that she got a bit overcharged _anyway._)

"Actually, I seem to remember that Blades walked into them of his own accord." Chase said. "No pushing was involved."

"You should've seen him, D. He just hit them and then all his lights went on and his rotors started spinning, then he flew backwards..." Heatwave said, fighting back laughter, "...he flew backwards into this water tower."

"I did wonder why that skate park randomly flooded." Dani nodded.

"You are the worst friends ever." Blades sulked. "And just to make myself feel better, I'm going to tell her about that time Heatwave tried to do that Advanced Jump thing that Optimus Prime does on the holo-vids, and crashed."

Heatwave froze, and his jaw twitched slightly. "Oh no. You do that, and I tell her about that time you got stuck in the lift."

"Glitch-head. Fine." Blades grumbled.

Dani accessed her onboard flight computer. Apparently it could do a lot more than just help her fly.

COMMAND: ACCESS FIREHOUSE_SECURITY_CAMERA_LOG_01

_Accessing...access denied. Password required._

ENTER PASSWORD: E...M...I...L...Y...G...R...A...N...T...

_Password _EMILY GRANT_ accepted. Access granted to user Burns, Graham. _

COMMAND: SEARCH "HEATWAVE"

_Searching all files labelled with "_HEATWAVE". _Search complete. 145245 files found. _

COMMAND: SEARCH "HEATWAVE TRANSFORM FAIL"

_Searching all files labelled with "_HEATWAVE TRANSFORM FAIL". _Search complete. 1 file found._

COMMAND: ACCESS FILE

_Accessing file..._

Ah, bless Graham and his user-friendly cataloguing system, Dani thought.

Dani took a more confident sip at the Energon cube, and laughed. "You forgot that I'm an Autobot now, guys. I just used my flight computer to access the security cameras, and _ow! Heatwave_, that looked like it _hurt_."

"I hate flyers." Heatwave replied instantly.

"Shut up." Dani and Blades snapped in unison.

"Might I remind you, Heatwave, that I also have the ability to access those files." Chase said, in what was a devious tone for him.

"But if you _did _access those files, then I'd _actively _tryto make you glitch out, instead of only _passively _trying." Heatwave shot back with satisfaction.

"You drive a hard bargain, Heatwave." Chase said evenly.

"No he doesn't. It's not even a bargain. You're using that human phrase wrong, Chase." Boulder put in.

Chase put on an expression which simply said "Oh. Well, damn."

Dani laughed again. "I really want to see Blades stuck in the lift now."

COMMAND: SEARCH "BLADES LIFT FAIL"

_Searching all files labelled with "_BLADES LIFT FAIL". _Search complete. 1 file found._

COMMAND: ACCESS FILE

_Accessing file..._

Dani let out a noise of combined mirth and pity. "Awwwww! You look _so sad, _and _cute _stuck there, Blades! Awwww. I'm never letting you get stuck in the lift again." she promised, leaning against Blades and patting his arm fondly.

Blades expression at this point resembled that of a slightly bad Amish who has just been handed the keys to a Harrier jump jet. A mix of confusion, curiosity, and guilty enjoyment.

Chase raised his optic ridges in an _exceptionally _suggestive way, and Heatwave's processor physically couldn't handle Chase being that uncharacteristically awesome, and _he _glitched out.

"Challenge completed." Chase said, taking out a thing that looked like a giant iPad and ticking something off a list. "Make Heatwave glitch out."

"So what's that?" Dani pointed at the giant iPad.

"This is a datapad. It contains all of my important files." Chase responded, tucking the datapad away into a nice piece of _thin air _beside him_._

"By that you mean it has your bucket list on it." Boulder replied unamusedly.

"Right. So where'd it go?" Dani asked.

"Oh. I knew we forgot something. Chase put it into his subspace." Blades explained brilliantly.

"And a 'subspace' is what? The space _between _spaces?" Dani guessed, putting on a ridiculously high-pitched voice to say the last part.

"Um...well, kind of. Every Cybertronian has a subspace generator, which, um, well, it's a field around a Cybertronian which is a link to a personal storage dimension."

"So, what? I've got my own unlimited carpet bag!?" Dani asked excitedly.

"Ooh! I got that! I got that reference!" Blades celebrated, applauding himself. "Well, technically. But yours is much less tartan."

"What's in my new unlimited carpet bag, then?" Dani questioned, rummaging around in her "processor desktop" (she imagined a computer desktop with all her available functions on it like apps when she was trying to work a new part of her Cybertronian body) until she found a thing labelled "SUBSPACE PULLERS", and selected it.

She reached into the air beside her, and was surprised when her hand went straight into it and disappeared.

"Whoa!" she exclaimed. "Okay, hang on...well, I've got...um...my keys to the firehouse...a chewing gum wrapper...and a torch!" she shouted triumphantly, pulling said items out to have a look at them.

"The things you had in your pockets when you touched Blades' spark." Boulder said interestedly.

"That makes...some sense..." Dani decided. "But I want _useful _stuff in my unlimited carpet bag! What do you have in your subspace, Chase, Blades, Boulder?"

Boulder checked. "I've got a field repair kit, a multi-functional scanner, and a first aid kit, in case someone gets injured. I'm the medic. Oh, and I've got five hundred little pieces of card with Graham's personal communicator number on them." he rattled off, laying the items in front of him.

Chase checked. "I have my datapad, a set of stasis-cuffs, four rechargeable power-packs for my wrist stasis-inducers, as I am the team's Enforcer; and I believe I also have the _Greatest Hits_ of 'Bruce Hornby and The Range'_._" He also laid his items in front of him.

"Dad's music?" Dani guessed.

"Affirmative." Chase replied. "I rather like it."

Blades rolled his optics at this revelation. "Well, I've got an N-5 Neutron Assault Rifle, an X-13 Scrapmaker, um...well, I think that's a 434-D Path Blaster...errr...three mousetraps...25 clips of primary ammo, 12 clips of heavy ammo...Hey, that's Heatwave's EMP shotgun, what's it doing in here? Oh, and I've also got a copy of _Northranger Abbey_ by Jane Austen." he rambled proudly.

Blades pulled four large gun-looking things and a bunch of glowing blue and yellow box-like things and the mousetraps and an old dog-eared book out of his personal piece of air and deposited it all on the floor.

"That's _my _copy of _Northranger Abbey_ by Jane Austen, thank you very much." Dani said, snatching the book up, activating her own subspace again and stuffing it inside. "And _where _did you get all these _guns!? _You're a non-combat unit, or so you said!"

"Well, the _unit_ is non-combat, but me and Heatwave volunteered out of a front-liner unit. So did Chase, actually. Boulder is the only one who was picked, and that was because we were all utter scrap at being medics." Blades explained. "I just kept all my guns. They made me feel safe."

"Oh. Well, I suppose if I had all those _giant guns_, I'd feel pretty safe too." Dani replied. "How the hell – sorry, how the _Pit – _are _you_ the timid one, Blades? You could take out half the eastern seaboard with these!"

Heatwave onlined with a whirr and sat up. "Oh. There's my shotgun. Didn't you tell me that you lost it, Blades?"

"I did lose it. In my subspace." Blades pointed out.

"Is that really a 434-D?" Chase asked, pointing at the pistol-looking thing. "When I was part of the Prowlers we were only issued with the 434-A Energon Battle Pistol."

"Oh, the Protectobots had the 434-D before anyone else. Hot Spot insisted." Blades continued.

"Okay...you guys can fangirl about Blades' guns all night. I'm going to fly again." Dani said, standing up and wobbling a little on her heels.

"Not without me you aren't!" Blades called after her, scooping all his guns up and into subspace; and following after her at a run.

The three remaining Rescue Bots sat in relative silence before Heatwave spoke up.

"So, betting pool for how long it takes Dani to do something extremely flyer-kinky without knowing it?"

"Deal." Boulder and Chase answered immediately.

* * *

**Oh, Chase and Boulder. Such upstanding Autobots.**


	6. Social Faux Pas with Blades & Dani

**A/N: Yes, I _have _seen _that _episode of Season Two. Heh.**

**I don't know why I imagine Chase to be godlike at Go Fish. Maybe just his eyebrows. **

**This should've been up _ages _ago, but one of my other Transformers multi-chapter stories (it's called _Echo_, and you should really go and read it, yeeeeess...) just got over 110 reviews, and it _really_ went to my head, and I basically just scrolled down the "Just In" section laughing at people with only 50 reviews.**

**I am a despicable human being.**

**Review! :D**

* * *

**Social Faux Pas with Blades & Dani**

Kade woke up to the sound of something banging on the firehouse roof.

His first thought was "GREMLINS!" but he calmed himself down and decided get dressed to go and investigate.

On the way, he bumped into Graham, who was looking decidedly more tired than he was, and was still in his work clothes, his tie askew and a pencil stuck behind his ear. He must have been doing some kind of engineering homework or something.

"Noise woke _you_ up? I figured you could sleep through anything." Graham teased through a yawn.

"Well, I can't sleep through that. I was just going to check up on everyone and head up to the roof to find out what it was." Kade replied crossly. "Come with if you like."

Graham shrugged.

The first place they checked was the bunker. Heatwave, Chase and Boulder were sitting around a gigantic pile of what appeared to be a combination of car cleaning supplies and small glowing pink circles, holding giant metal cards in their servos.

"Do you have any 'Threes', Heatwave?" Chase asked.

"Frag you." Heatwave replied, handing over two cards.

"Got any eights, Chase?" Boulder asked.

"HA! I do not! Go fishing, Boulder!" Chase declared triumphantly.

"It's 'go fish', actually, Chase." Graham put in.

"Yeah, language lesson later. Are you guys seriously playing cards?" Kade asked.

"What about it? At least we're not banging on the roof like Blades and Dani." Heatwave replied. "Got any aces, Boulder?"

"Yup. Here." Boulder replied.

"Wait, Dani's doing _what _with Blades?!" Kade and Graham yelled.

"Blades, as I recall, is currently flying with Dani. However, I suspect that due to their overcharged nature, flying is proving difficult." Chase told them. "Do you have any 'Kings', Heatwave?"

"How are you so _good _at this?" Heatwave questioned, handing a card over.

"I am _just that brillian_t, as Kade says. And now I have completed all my sets and have no cards left, and as such I am victorious in this game." Chase answered.

"Scrap!" Heatwave cursed. "Best 573 out of 574?"

"Wait, Blades got Dani drunk and took her flying? That sounds _really _unlike Blades. And kinda rapey." Kade said, surprised.

"No, _we _got them _both_ drunk and _Dani_ dragged _Blades_ off to fly." Heatwave replied unashamedly.

"That's the evillest thing I can imagine." Graham told him, wiping his eyes.

"Oh, so they're just flying around?" Kade asked.

"Well, I suspect that Dani is flying around, and Blades is worrying about her when she inevitably crashes, but otherwise yes." Boulder said.

"Well, if that's all they're doing, I'm fine with that." Kade sighed, satisfied. "I'm not going to get to sleep anyway, so deal me in, boys."

Heatwave looked at the giant cards then at Kade and back again.

"Seriously?"

"Nah, I can't even lift those cards, let alone deal them. Want to go on a quick patrol? Might even get some good blackmail shots of Dani and/or Blades." Kade replied breezily.

"Oh _Pit _yes. I'm frying my processor losing to Chase all the time." Heatwave replied, transforming. Kade climbed up into the driver's seat. "You guys coming?" he asked Chase and Boulder.

"I shall remain here, in the event the Chief requires me, as he is fulfilling the station's night shift. Boulder?" Chase declined.

"I'm up for stretching my treads. You want to come, Graham?" Boulder shrugged and transformed.

"Oh, sure. Anything to get away from Archimedes' Principle for a few hours." Graham replied, climbing in.

The bulldozer and the fire engine drove up onto the lift and out of the garage.

Chase scooped up his winnings and ran away, cackling in a remarkably un-Chase-like fashion.

* * *

Dani picked herself up off of the ground, and winced. "Flying is _soooo_ much harder when you're – what's the word again? Oh yeah – overcharged."

"I think I tried to warn you." Blades said helpfully.

"Shut up." Dani retorted, cycling her optics. "Well, at least I feel better now."

"You're overcharged. Pain receptors are short-circuiting." Blades explained.

"Well, that's one more benefit of being 'heavy metal'." Dani giggled.

"That pun was just..._no_." Blades told her blankly. "And, to be honest, you're probably lighter than me."

"Seriously? So these hips of steel don't add on that much weight?" Dani asked, gesturing to her fairly generous metal curves.

"Hips of reinforced titanium alloy plating, and no, they don't. Relatively."

"And I never have to worry about gaining any weight. THIS IS _AMAZING_!" Dani celebrated, jumping to her stabilisers. "I really want to dance now. Do Cybertronians have any dances?"

"I only know one." Blades admitted. "But it's a flyer dance."

"Flyer dance as in how? I'm a flyer! I could do this dance."

"As in, _in the air_."

"Oh. Well, that's a problem. I can't fly to save my life right now."

"Me neither."

"You can't fly to save your life anyway, Blades."

"I can! I can do complicated evasive manoeuvres through wind turbines." Blades protested.

"I flew you then, technically. But anyway. If you don't know any Cybertronian dances, I'll just have to teach you some Earth dances." Dani resolved.

"This is a terrible idea."

"It's a great idea. We're on a deserted beach in the middle of the night. What could happen?"

"Well, when you put it like that...it still sounds like a terrible idea."

"Shut up and dance."

* * *

"So, Heatwave, what exactly were Blades and Dani so worried about you telling me?" Kade asked, reclining in his chair.

Heatwave stifled a laugh. "Probably all the stuff about flyers being really weird in the berthroom."

"Huh? Isn't a berth like an Autobot bed? Hey...wait, what? Seriously?"

"Oh yeah. Flyers are rumoured to be really fragged-up – I think the human word is 'kinky'. Tell you the truth, it's a load of scrap, but it drives Blades crazy, which is hilarious." Heatwave answered.

"If Dani wasn't weird before..."

Graham's voice came through the comlink. "Guys...you_ have_ to see this. It's hilarious."

"I agree. I've never seen a Cybertronian bend that way before." Boulder said interestedly.

Heatwave opened up a feed to Boulder before Kade's eyes exploded from widening too much. A video of Blades and Dani doing a very bad version of the waltz played.

"No, Blades, your hand – sorry, servo – goes _here._" Dani was saying.

Heatwave sniggered.

"Uh, nope, I really don't think that's going to end well." Blades replied.

"Why?"

"Your torso armour release catch is there. I really don't want to flip that."

Heatwave snorted with stifled laughter.

"I have an armour release catch? What does that do?"

"It releases your armour." Blades said evasively, going slightly blue. "And gives me a massive electric shock."

Heatwave's light bars lit up for a second with the effort of suppressing his laughter.

"And what's under the armour? Wires? Cables?"

"Both, and, er, protoform."

"And what's that like?"

"Um...I assume, in your case, largely, ah, largely grey. Maybe some, uh, orange highlights around the...um..." Blades tailed off, going _very _blue.

Heatwave's virtual jaw was shaking at this point.

"Oh, so it's like what, under-armour?"

Blades shook his head. "Er, no. It's not like that at all."

Heatwave could no longer contain himself and laughed helplessly.

"What is the protoform then?" Dani asked, confused, and reaching for the armour release catch.

"No no no no no do _not_ touch that! The protoform is like, well, I suppose it's like a human without their armour."

Heatwave continued laughing helplessly.

"_Ohhhhhhhh. _Right. Okay. I get it." Dani nodded, taking her servo rapidly away from the armour release catch. "You know what? Let's just go back to the firehouse now, and never speak of this again."

"_That _sounds like a good idea." Blades agreed fervently.

As the two helicopters flew off on a sort-of beeline for the firehouse, Kade looked slyly at Heatwave's virtual face. "So, are we going to reference this incident subtly at every possible moment?"

Graham, Boulder and Heatwave replied as one. "Are you kidding? Of course we are."

* * *

**To paraphrase Optimus Prime: "Blackmail is the right of all sentient beings."**


	7. Dani & Blades Get Hot Action In The Wood

**A/N: Woop! I do like writing titles. **

**Um, I have no comment on Chase. None whatsoever.**

**The theme from Johnny English Reborn works especially well here, I find.**

* * *

**Dani & Blades Get Hot Action in the Woods**

Dani onlined on Blades' recharge berth. She cycled her optics a few times then swung herself off the white-and-orange slab of glowing metal, and planted her stabilisers on the other lump of white-and-orange metal beside the berth, which happened to be the owner of the original white-and-orange slab of glowing metal, who yelped.

"You promised you wouldn't step on me. I feel spark-rendingly betrayed now, Dani." Blades complained.

"Sorry, Blades." Dani apologised. "Just be glad I've got wedge heels and not stiletto. Those would have gone right through you. Which would be bad."

"You'll have to tell me more about different types of femme stabiliser later. Can you get off? I'd like to move today." Blades replied.

"I don't know if you're being serious about telling you more about girl's shoes." Dani commented as she swung herself over the other side of the berth and onto the floor. "But having no kind of hangover is _the best thing ever._ I just feel like I have loads of energy!"

"That's because you just over-energised. So you act a little odd for a while, until your systems use up the extra Energon, and then you feel fine. And he's serious. I've caught him watching the shopping channel on occasion." Boulder said, appearing and pulling Blades to his stabilisers.

Chase followed him and nodded solemnly. "Indeed."

"Wow!" Dani laughed. "Really?"

"Our mission is to learn about humanity as well as help them. I'm fulfilling the mission." Blades defended himself. "Better than they are. Chase just memorises the street laws and Boulder does all of Graham's engineering homework while he's in recharge."

"So what does Heatwave do, then?" Dani asked, putting a servo on her hip.

"He drives Kade and Hayley to movie theatres and pretends that he's calling Prime if we try to comm him." all three Rescue Bots replied.

Dani suddenly spotted something on the floor, and bent down to pick it up. "Hey, Chase?" she asked.

"Yes, Dani?" Chase responded.

"You drop anything out of your subspace yesterday? Because there's this picture of you on the floor with what looks like another female Autobot."

Chase surreptitiously checked his subspace. "_Oh_." he said. "What is this female Autobot's appearance?" he asked semi-casually.

"Uh, sort of dark bluey-black, with wings. Nice heels. She's got a big blue sword and a shield on her back, and _wow, _is she strong. I mean, she looks like she's physically lifting you off your feet – sorry, stabilisers – with that hug. More of a glomp, if you ask me. Actually, looks a bit like she's snuggling her head into your chest." Dani rattled off, straightening up.

Blades burst out laughing. "Oh Primus, Chase, you _kept _that?!"

"Is this the picture of him with that femme on Regulon Four?" Boulder asked.

Blades nodded wildly. "That one who thought he was – what was it again? Oh yeah – 'just that awesome!'" he sniggered, putting on a high-pitched voice. "What was her name again?"

"Her name," Chase said in an extremely pained voice, "currently escapes me."

"You're lying, Chase." Boulder told him. "It began with an A, that's for sure."

"Awww!" Dani cried. "That's adorable!"

Heatwave stumped in the door, caught the last of the conversation, and snorted. "It's terrible. Just because Chase is an Enforcer, he gets the femmes all over him. But me or Boulder? Nope."

"What about Blades?" Dani smirked.

"He had his guns."

"Ah."

"But that's not the point. We've got a forest fire up to the north. Rescue Bots – roll to the rescue!" Heatwave declared.

The five Autobots took the lift up, to see Chief Burns, Kade, and Graham waiting.

"Cody's already in the command centre. Ready up, team. Dani – well, let's go with Dangerzone, it fits – and Blades, you two get a head start and recon the fire. Move out!" Chief Burns told them. Chase, Boulder and Heatwave transformed and opened their doors for their respective partners.

Dani and Blades went up in the helipad lift. On the way up, Dani schooled herself into thinking of herself as "Dangerzone" instead of "Dani." She failed.

Blades looked over at her. "Ready for this, _Dangerzone_?" he asked.

"Oh, I was _born _ready, Blades. Let's go." she replied.

Dani transformed, kicked her engines on, span up her rotors, and took off. Blades, who was _definitely _just showing off for her, took a running jump off the firehouse and transformed mid-air, his rotors already spinning. He instantly was away towards the plume of smoke in the distance.

"Oh, so _that's _how you want to play it, Blades?" Dani teased, tipping forwards and accelerating up beside Blades.

"Sorry." Blades replied. "Hard to resist."

* * *

They flew towards the forest, only to see a small white van with a certain grinning maroon-suited journalist standing beside it, talking into a floating yellow camera with wings.

As soon as Blades caught sight of him, he activated his Dani holoform inside Dani's cockpit. "Better safe than sorry. And this won't be too hard to maintain." he said to her.

"A forest on fire! A troop in trouble!" the reporter declared. "This is Huxley Prescott reporting live from the scene of a furious forest fire which has trapped a group of Girl Guides inside, surrounded by the scorching shrubbery! Where _are _the Rescue Team?"

Dani and Blades swept past him, Blades' scoop claw already filled with water from a nearby lake.

"And here they are, Griffin Rock! The heroic members of our very own Rescue Team. Dani Burns is leading the charge, in that grey helicopter there! Zoom in!" Huxley exclaimed, pointing.

The camera zoomed in on the Dani holoform inside Dani's cockpit, then back out again to show Huxley Prescott's face.

Dani circled the clearing; easily picking out the girls in their blue uniforms. "Okay, Blades. You start putting out the fire: I'll go in and get those kids out. In robot mode, because I can't land my chopper mode in there."

Blades' head appeared on her (cosmetic) radar screen and nodded. The rest of the Rescue Team pulled up beside the fire and Heatwave immediately began dousing the fire.

Dani did another quick circlet of of the clearing before she swooped down and transformed, landing perfectly (for once; she cheered inwardly) before putting out a servo for the four teenage girls.

"Hold on." she told them in her best "robot-voice", which really just came out sounding like EDI. "You will be safe soon."

The oldest-looking Guide nodded nervously.

Blades' voice came through Dani's audials. "Try flying straight out in robot mode! You can do it!"

Dani extended her rotors and span them up, her tail rotors on her shoulders spinning up as well.

"Good job! Now, take a running jump, lean forwards, and you're flying!" Blades advised.

Dani ran forwards towards a sturdy-looking tree, pushed off with her right stabiliser, pulled the four Girl Guides close into her chestplates to protect them from the fire, then leant forwards; her rotors catching the air and pulling her up gracefully out of the inferno and up into the sky.

"_THIS IS AMAZING!_" she yelled to Blades excitedly over comms.

"Just land so I can distract Prescott so the others can stop being robots and actually help."

"You're such a buzzkill." Dani retorted, but she hovered cautiously down and landed gently beside Huxley Prescott's van. She bent down and opened her servos to let the four teenage passengers out, who tottered over to the van.

She transformed and the Dani-holoform waved to the camera.

"Blades...how do you _do _that?!" she asked over comms.

"I think I've already used the 'skillz with a z' line."

"Can you teach me how to do that? I _need _to know how."

"When we get back to the firehouse, fine." Blades replied.

"And that there was the amazing new Rescue Bot, piloted by the one and only Dani Burns!" Huxley told his camera. "Now let's see if we can get a statement from her. Ms. Burns! Ms. Burns!"

Dani opened her cockpit door. The Dani-holoform climbed out, suddenly going solid as Blades hung motionless in the air. Dani was aware of the other Rescue Bots going to work on the fire.

"Hi!" the Dani-holoform said.

"Ms. Burns, can I have a statement for the viewers?"

"Of course. The fire was pretty bad, but we've got it contained now."

"And what about this _new _Rescue Robot? Can we get the inside scoop on _her?" _

"Sure. This is our second helicopter robot, which we're codenaming 'Dangerzone'. It's designed as a female for aerodynamic reasons, but you won't see me complaining." the Dani-holoform explained.

"And your previous Robot?"

"Codename 'Blades', while the best piece of hardware I've ever used, is now on remote control from HQ. Anything else, Mr. Prescott?"

"No, I think that about clears it up."

"Thanks. Okay, Dangerzone, transform!"

Dani transformed, shooting a strongly worded comm to Blades about ordering her around, and picked up the holoform, deposited it on her shoulders, and allowed it to hop into her cockpit, before gunning her rotors again and flying up into the air.

"Well, you heard it here first, viewers. That was Dani Burns, live. Huxley Prescott reporting."


	8. Chase Learns How To Do That Queen Song

**A/N: What?! An Echo _and_ a CyberDani in two days! Never! **

**Uh, yeah. This happened. A lot. Everywhere.**

**Kade and Graham are _remarkably _cool with their sister's transformation. As you will see.**

**There's a picture of Chase's fangirl somewhere on this site. I can't remember where... **

**Cookies if you know the title reference. Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about Blades the Overly Possessive Helicopter.**

* * *

**Chase Learns How To Do That One Queen Song**

"See," Kade said, turning off the TV (and by extension the news report), "this is why you should let me rebuild you into a female, Heatwave. You would get _so _much fame."

"You are insane." the fire engine replied.

"No, really, it's a great idea. I would _love _an Autobot to have girl talks with." Dani put in. "I mean, I've got Blades, but that doesn't really count."

Blades looked confused and slightly insulted. "Are you implying that _I'm _the gay friend here?"

"Definitely completely yes."

"That is _so _unfair. _Boulder _should be the gay friend. _I_ have at _least _as much game as Chase."

Chase snorted. "As I believe the human phrase is, O RLY?"

"Yeah! Here, I'll show you." Blades declared, shooting to his stabilisers (tipping Dani – pulling bits of tree out of her heels – off his lap (they were sharing the ridiculously small cleaning area, and she had bullied him into letting her sit on him because she wasn't going to _sit_ on the muddy _floor, _ugh)) and producing a datapad from his subspace.

Dani picked herself up, swiped the datapad from Blades, hit him around the helm with it, and then settled down to flick through it.

"Oh, it's a photo album." she said. "Okay, so there's one of you with a guy; one of you with three other guys; one of you with Heatwave and Chase; one of Chase and his mysterious fangirl; another of you with three other guys; one of you with some white and red femme – she'd _better _be a colleague only, Blades, or you will be in _so much pain_; one of you with a scary amount of guns and some red guy; one of you and the three other guys and the femme with Optimus Prime's white clone; aaaannd now I'm into your music. Wow, I didn't think you were a Michael Jackson fan."

"It annoys Chase that the song's called Smooth _Criminal._" Blades explained.

Chase's jaw twitched. "Indeed. Additionally, the repetition of the phrase 'Annie are you okay' is pointless, as Annie has quite clearly just been _hit_ by a so-called _Smooth Criminal_."

"_Wow._"

"Hey, Dani? What's with you being jealous of Blades' sister Groove?" Heatwave drawled.

"What? That's his _sister?_ Um, uh, _oh_. Well, nothing, he's just _my _helicopter. I get _exclusive _use_._"

"That is the single most sexually charged statement ever made involving Blades." Boulder noted. "One for the record books."

Dani blushed, which she was completely _not_ happy to see was both possible and made her faceplates glow bright blue. "Nonononono. I mean – ugh – not like _that, _just -"

Kade smirked. "Blades, as Dani's older brother, I _officially_ give you my blessing for you two to swap transistors or get your rotors tangled or whatever the euphemism is for Autobots." he said grandly, making a teasingly elabourate gesture. "But you'll have to take it up with Dad too."

"The correct euphemism is 'exchange coding', actually." Boulder informed him.

Blades made a curious coughing noise and his visor flicked down, then he collapsed into the pooled mud that had been washed off of Boulder.

"You _glitched_ him. Into _more _mud." Dani told her brother crossly. "Nice work."

Kade shrugged. "Eh. You'll have some fun cleaning it all off later, anyway. Lots of soap, and water and _rubbing_, mmm."

Graham appeared, choking with laughter. "And – _heh_ – and Dani, try not to make too many loud noises at night. One night – _hahaha_ – one night's worth of the sound of _banging on the roof_ was enough for me, thank you."

"Humans are much better at subtle sexual insinuations than we are." Chase observed, stroking his chin. "I must practice."

"NO!" Dani, Boulder, Heatwave, Kade and Graham all yelled.

There was a whirring noise as Blades booted back up.

"Please don't tell me that conversation was real."

Heatwave laughed. "Okay. We won't tell you."

"You are _seriously _twisted, Heatwave."

"Anyway, anyway, _anyway_," a decidedly blue Dani interrupted, I think we were just saying how Blades is the gay friend here."

"I believe we have recently proved unequivocally that he is not, as it has been insinuated that you and he are interfacing on a regular basis. Repeatedly." Chase told her calmly.

Kade and Graham dissolved into helpless laughter. Blades collapsed back into the mud, splashing it all over Dani.

"Blades! Do you _know _how hard it is to get mud out of the cracks in my armour?" she exclaimed.

"I assume it's quite an _intimate _procedure." Graham said, moving his eyebrows in a way that shouldn't've been humanly possible. "Maybe Blades should do it."

"I am _this_ close to stepping on you." Dani replied flatly.

"You wouldn't."

"She would." Kade said, sidling away.

"30 energon chips on Graham to be victorious." Chase put in.

"I'll take those odds." Heatwave said. They shook servos.

"Not helping, guys." Dani snapped.

"I apologise." Chase apologised.

"Someone wake Blades up, we're betting on his femme, after all."

"I am _not _Blades' femme!"

"Mm-hmm." everyone in the room answered, except Blades, who was still lying faceplates-down in the mud.

Blades onlined again with another loud whiiring noise and got up.

"Oh, Blades. You've got mud all over yourself." Dani told him, wiping a bit off his faceplates.

"How domestic." Kade said laconically.

"Aargh...Kade, I'm warning you..."

"I believe a change in subject is in order." Chase said.

"YES." Dani agreed, venting in relief. "Tell me about these Protectobots that Blades was in."

"Well," Heatwave started, going into a very Steve Blum-y narrator's voice, "_the story of the Protectobots begins on Cybertron..."_

* * *

**There will be a Poker Night at the Inventory DLC starring Chase at some point, I'm sure.  
Also, Groove is a femme in this because there always has to be a femme in every gestalt because it's hilarious. Gestalts share thoughts when combined, right, so the male members of the gestalt will be thinking very femme-like thoughts at some point or another. It's probably going to be a joke in Echo, come to think of it...**


	9. Heatwave's Epic Story of Epic

**A/N: Yeaaah, this took _way _too long for me to write, and I'm sorry for that. **

**The thing about the Protectobots being The Magnificent Five was inspired by a comic on DeviantArt, under the name "The Magnificent Five." It's really quite brilliant. You should look it up.**

**There will never be an end to Heatwave/Wolverine references. I'm sorry. **

**Continue to review and follow and favourite, people! REVIEWS ARE THE SOURCE OF MY GLORY**

* * *

**Heatwave's Epic Story of Epic**

"_In the early days of the War, there were five Autobots." _the narrator said. _"Five bots guarding the Frontier Zone, between the Sea of Rust and the city of Kalis." _

"_They were the Protectobots. The leader, mighty Hot Spot; the Enforcer, compassionate Streetwise; the medic, peaceful First Aid; the scout, beautiful Groove (whom Heatwave totally almost maybe would have scored with one time); and Blades, who no-one really gave a frag about." _

A voice interrupted. "This isn't how I remember the story going at all."

"_Shut up, Blades. I'm telling the story. Anyway, the time Heatwave totally almost maybe scored with Groove-"_

"I think the story was actually 'who were the Protectobots,' Heatwave." another voice said.

"_Right, right. Sorry, Dani. ANYWAY, these five Autobots lived their lives upon the edge, fighting Decepticons at every turn-"_

"Okay_, _what's a Decepticon?"

"_Like a slightly intelligent, psychotic Morbot. But anyway, there were loads of them, and they were all fighting, and it was basically like one of those human Western films. The Magnificent Five or some scrap." _

"It was nothing like that. At all."

"_Shut up, Blades. I'm telling the story." _

"Why _are _you telling the story? _I _should be telling _my own _story."

"_Whatever. Anyway, these five Autobots were completely epic and had femmes all over them, including Groove, who was literally _that_ hot-"_

"Stop objectifying my sister!"

"_Sorry. As I was saying, these five Autobots were super epic, until one fateful cycle, when the unthinkable happened – a Decepticon team, called the Combaticons, attacked them and defeated them in open combat. The Protectobots rallied, though, and destroyed the Combaticons, but the experience was so processor-destroying that they disbanded and moved on." _

"Hey, Blades! You didn't tell me you'd been in mentally scarring open warfare for a huge amount of your life!" Dani berated the helicopter, hitting his wrist.

"The topic never really came up." Blades replied.

"What happened to the other Protectobots?" Graham asked.

"Um," Blades answered, tapping his chin in thought, "well, Hot Spot runs a refuel station on Regulon Four – that's the place we met Chase's femme; um, I think First Aid's on a medical ship somewhere in the Peliades galaxy; Streetwise is big in the private intergalactic security business; and Groove won't tell me where she is in case – and I quote - 'that dammed firefighter finds out' or something."

Heatwave dropped out of his Steve Blum narrating voice. "She loves me _really._"

"She quite literally shot you in the faceplates the last instance which you were together, which was over five million orbital cycles ago." Chase enlightened him. "Additionally, I shall remind you of the restraining order that she asked me to impose upon you – that is the one which states that you are no longer permitted within three entire solar systems of her."

Heatwave grumbled and kicked at Chase's foot.

"So let me get this right." Kade began. "Blades and his four siblings were like an unstoppable machine of awesome, then they broke up for personal reasons but stayed in contact."

"Kind of like REM..." Graham put in thoughtfully.

"Graham, no one wants to hear about your New Age bands here." Kade told him.

"That's a lie._ Boulder_ appreciates New Age music."

"Obviously. But anyway, I think I asked you to teach me how to holoform, Blades." Dani said, changing the subject from what was an impending music fight.

"Right, you did. Even though I'm better at being you than you are." Blades answered. "The camera loves me."

Dani raised an optic ridge. "Uh-huh."

"It does."

"Weren't you supposed to be teaching me how to use this holoform thing?" Dani reminded him.

"Why do you even need it? It's not like you're-"

"_Blades._"

"Sorry. Firstly, you want to switch on your hardlight generators..."

* * *

Ten minutes later, Dani was standing at her own stabilisers in a body composed entirely of light. She whooped and jumped up and down on the spot shouting "THIS IS AWESOME!" repeatedly.

Boulder stroked his chin. "Well, it's actually quite unremarkable for a Cybertronian." he said, shrugging.

Dani put her hands on her hips. "Stop ruining my moment."

"Sorry, Dani."

"Yeah you're sorry. Damn! This is so _cool! _And I can turn into whoever I like, right?" The last part of the verbal barrage was aimed at Blades.

"Yes. You can." Blades affirmed. "Though I don't see why you'd want to..."

Dani snorted. "Duh, so I can pretend to be people and screw with them."

"That is a _despicable _use for the holoform generators. You're an awful Autobot, Dani." Blades told her.

"Shut up and put on your own holoform. You've all got one, right?" Dani retorted, laughing.

Blades rolled his optics and switched on his holoform, the tallish brown-haired orange-suited pilot flickering into existence beside Dani's. Chase followed suit, appearing as a black-haired policeman with aviator sunglasses and tall leather boots. Heatwave's holoform appeared as a Hugh Jackman lookalike in fireman's overalls, and Boulder appeared as a short man in a green hard hat, a shirt, and jeans (in other words, a lot like Graham, except much shorter).

Dani looked around at her fellow Autobot-humans. "We look way prettier than actual people. I'm taking that as a plus."

Kade spoke up. "Okay, enough of the catwalk show. Just got a call from Cody, he says there's like a gas fire or something downtown. Up for it?"

Graham shrugged. Boulder nodded. Heatwave transformed.

Kade climbed up into Heatwave's cab. "This isn't really a helicopter thing, so, see you later, sis!"

Graham and Boulder drove out of the garage door, and Heatwave followed shortly after.

"DON'T DO ANYTHING I WOULD TEASE YOU ABOUT, DANI!" Kade shouted as they drove off. "FOR EXAMPLE, BLADES!"

Dani scowled. "_Ooohhh_, we are _so_ getting him back for that, Blades."

Blades shrugged. "Want to go and raid Heatwave's Energon treat stash and jump up and down on Kade's My Chemical Romance CD collection?"

"I have no idea what an Energon treat is, but you're on. Lead the way."


	10. Pour Little Sugar On Me, Honey

**A/N: Hello! I AM ALIVE! **

**And this chapter is probably the most eagerly-awaited one ever, I'm thinking. I regret _nothing. _**

**I have this weird headcanon that when Transformers are really embarrassed or flustered or aroused and they try to suppress it, their radios turn on. I don't know why. **

**Michael Boulton and _Friends _is also my personal headcanon of Hell. That joke will probably come up in one of my other stories. Somewhere. **

**Cookies if you can work out both the title reference (no, not Def Leppard, but good try) and the song Dani plays accidentally.**

* * *

**Pour Little Sugar On Me, Honey**

The Rescue Bots and their partners (excepting Chief Burns, who was currently cleaning up the _political _mess) were assembled in the garage.

"Remind me why Doc thought that a _caramel gun _would be a good idea?" Dani grumbled, rubbing with Blades' stolen cleaning cloth at the copious amounts of caramelised sugar which were immovably adhered to her plating. There was also something else stuck to her, but we'll get to that later.

"I'm going to assume it was for the same reason that he decided a solar-powered nitro-boost DeLorean was a good idea." Kade replied, hosing Heatwave down with nail polish remover. Heatwave winced.

"And I just had a wax job, as well." the fire engine lamented.

Chase would have commented, but his mouth was stuck shut.

"Oh wow, Heatwave," Blades almost screamed, "you lost a coat of wax!"

He paused. "I LITERALLY CANNOT MOVE! I AM STUCK!"

The other thing that was stuck to Dani, as you may have realised by this point, was Blades.

"I don't see the problem with the caramel gun." Boulder commented, stroking his chin.

Graham laughed. "Yeah, seemed pretty safe from where we were standing."

Heatwave, Dani and Kade rounded on the pristine pair. Blades would have rounded on them but he couldn't move. "YOU WERE HOLDING THE GUN!"

Cody (aiming a hairdryer at the caramel holding Blades chestplate to Dani's back) licked a glob of caramel off his fingertip. "Well, it's not _that _bad..."

Dani raised a sticky optic ridge, then activated her holoform (something she was now _very, very _good at doing). "_Not that bad?_ You were the one who was all," and here she morphed her holoform into a Cody doppelgänger, "Wow, a caramel gun! That's awesome! I bet nothing could possible go wrong, like for example it could explode randomly and fire all the caramel at once at four helpless Autobots and render them immobile! Noble!"

Cody grinned sheepishly. "Sorry, Dani."

Dani growled. "You'd better be. I've got a bunch of heavy things I could throw at you in my subspace."

"Like what?" Blades asked curiously.

"Uh, this arcade game I found in the scrapheap, it's called TRON or something; like six Jane Austen novels; a quarter; that Autobot nail polish kit – you know, the detailing kit or whatever – that I stole from Chase last week; my showgirl heels, uh, and this life-size figurine of Nicholas Cage."

"Did you say _showgirl heels?" _Kade asked in disbelief. Chase waved an irate fist at the mention of the detailing kit.

"Yeah." Dani responded, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You know how I've usually got these fantastic wedge heels on my stabilisers, right? Well, I figured out that I can take them off, and then I held Graham hostage and made Boulder make me some super cute four-metre heels, which I can use when we've got important official stuff like parades or something to do." Dani reached into her subspace and withdrew what looked like Autobot-sized sandals with immense high heels. "They just clip on and off. It's the easiest thing ever."

Kade held up his hands. "Glad to see you've kept your obsession with shoes even as a giant robot who doesn't even _wear _shoes. Praise be."

Dani narrowed her optics. "I _will _destroy your Scouting For Girls collection with extreme prejudice. And Blades _will_ help me. I'll play Dad's Michael Boulton music and make him watch _Friends _non-stop if he doesn't."

Blades whimpered softly.

"Okay, okay. Shutting up. But first, does someone want to take a blowtorch or something to the caramel gumming up Chase's mouth?" Kade answered, directing his hose of nail polish remover towards Heatwave's right leg.

"No." Blades, Boulder, Dani, and Heatwave replied emphatically.

"Hey! I think that Blades is coming unstuck!" Cody declared excitedly. "I'm a genius."

Sure enough, there was a loud _schlurp _noise and Blades was released from his temporary bondage. Unfortunately, he still could not move, so he really just toppled over and landed on his back between Dani's legs.

"I've decided that _I HATE CARAMEL." _Blades said genially up to Dani. "_Ow_, my rotors hurt."

"That was just so sad." Graham put in. "I mean, you could _see_ the unparalleled joy in Blades' face when he got unstuck, just to be utterly destroyed when he realised he couldn't move and fell over."

"Finally!" Dani exclaimed. "I got it all off my plating. Uh, does anyone want to tell my how to do my rotors?"

Blades shook his head very, very vigorously.

"So how do I do this? Just take my thumb and forefinger and rub it gently down to the tip?" Dani asked in a bad Stewie Griffin voice, her servo poised to wipe down her rotors.

Blades' optics widened immensely and he hurriedly spoke up from his position on the floor right between Dani's legs. "Um, I don't recommend that _at all_. Rotors are...um..._sensitive..." _

Dani snorted. "Relax, Blades. I can't possibly _break_ anything."

"Ummm, _that's not really what I meant..."_ Blades tailed off.

Dani wiped at her rotors, quite oblivious to Blades' warning. Soon, however, she was suddenly one hundred and seventeen percent aware of it. She also worked out what Blades had meant when he said _rotors are sensitive. _

Because, as it turned out, rotors were _sensitive. _What was quite literally a wave of pleasure welled up inside Dani; forcing her to quickly build very tall and thick flood defences, so that what was going to be a long moan came out as a series of rapid coughs, the sound of her turbines spinning up rapidly, and her radio breaking and getting stuck playing _that song_ from the first Austin Powers movie that no-one likes to talk about.

Graham looked over. "Dani? What's with the soundtrack?"

"Um, you know what? Blades was _so _right, don't touch the rotors, I'll do it later, okay!" Dani blurted, taking three quick steps away from Blades with a horrified look and a creeping blue tinge on her faceplates. She switched her radio off with a nervous laugh.

Blades, on the other hand, currently had an expression somewhere between "I told you so", "I am hyper-aware of what just happened literally above my head, am trying not to think about it whatsoever, and am failing miserably", and "I feel strangely violated" on his faceplates.

"Someone clean Blades off." Dani ordered, almost sprinting down to the bunker. "We need some flyer-to-flyer talk time."

* * *

**People sometimes ask me what my favourite part of fanfiction writing is. **

**It's making up to about 2,000 people imagine Blades' "I feel strangely violated" face.**


End file.
